Closet depression

No, I’m not secretly depressed.  My closet just makes me sad.  It is in a sorry state.  I hate going in there.  I have too many things in there that just don’t fit anymore.  Every day, I look at my clothes and think, “I have nothing to wear”.  I know everyone does this, simply from getting tired of their current wardrobe.  The thing is, I have a lot of things in my closet that I love and miss being able to wear.  Foolishly, I occasionally try things on, to see if “maybe it fits better now?” since maybe my tummy is a bit flatter than the last time I tried them on?  Who am I kidding?  Having twins has completely changed the shape of my midsection, and eventually I’ll have to come to terms with that.  Weight is not an issue.  I’m only holding on to 3 extra pounds that I didn’t have before kids.  I’ve always been thin.  The problem is, my waist is now bigger than my hips.  Try finding anything to fit that silhouette!  I’ve never had hips.  So many people told me, “when you have kids your hips will spread!”.  Boy, were they wrong.  The hips are still non-existent, but my waistline has expanded greatly.  I have a bit of a tummy left behind from carrying those boys to 38.5 weeks.  So, many of my shirts are too tight in the tummy, and I refuse to wear anything that highlights the pooch.  Then there are stranger problems.  Like, did my shoulders somehow get wider?  Because I don’t remember my sleeve seams touching my collar bones before!  And I know I haven’t gotten any taller, yet somehow many of my shirts are too short.  But, maybe that’s because I am forced to wear only low-rise pants and now need longer shirts to cover my stretch marks.  A closet full of clothes, and not a piece to wear.  This really hit me hard about a week ago, when I had a job interview.  I have at least 8 or 10 pairs of nice pants.  I tried on all of them and couldn’t fit into a single one.  I had to run out shopping the night before my interview to find a half-way decent fitting pair of khakis.  Thankfully I found a pair at Target that conformed to my difficult figure.  So, at least now I have ONE pair of nice pants that fit.  I know what you’re thinking.  Why don’t I get rid of all those clothes that don’t fit, so they don’t bother me every frigging day?  Well, like I said, I really like a lot of them!  I keep hoping in the back of my mind that someday they will fit again, when I know darn well they won’t.  So, how do I convince myself to just take a massive haul to a resale shop, and maybe get some money to spend on new clothes?  Because I can’t seem to bring myself to do it.  It’s like admitting defeat to something I have no control over.  How do I come to terms with the fact that I have a different body than I did before, and I can’t dress it the same way?  Don’t get me wrong.  I know that I don’t look bad, especially having carried twins full term.  I just look bad in my old clothes.  And I really miss some of them.  A lot.

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1 Comment

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One response to “Closet depression

  1. *comforts* I so hear you….. There are storage containers in our basement full of stuff I stupidly hope to be able to wear again some day.

    Oh, and I suspect it’s the changes to your chest area that are responsible for the funny fit of the shirts 😉

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